It was back in secondary. I was some 10 years old, in JS1. At that point in life where the boys hadn't yet started having wet dreams, where the girls had nips but no boobs, and none used a sanitary pad. The major differences between boys and girls were probably the clothes we wore and our posture when we sat.
Ada was a beautiful girl: she was petite, my age and the type every boy wanted to impress. I was a boy, so I wanted to impress her too. I started monitoring her, trying to understand her. I would stay back in class, when other boys were out playing football. Not that I hated football but because I wanted to be around her. I'd turn red in jealousy when she smiled at boys, yet I didn't have the heart to claim her for myself.
Well, sometime in second term I noticed that Ada started spending break periods at the library. Guess what? Hehe! One week later, I was an avid reader, spending all my break periods in the school library. She had this favourite chair, and over time I had mine too! Two chairs to her right - that was mine. I could steal a glance when she read, and look down when our eyes met. Yet she didn’t seem to notice me. It was comical - playing the fool for love. But she my first crush - these things happen.
On the other hand there was Chuka. Dude was a brat: he danced well, rocked parties, and played good football. Idiot! He liked Ada too. The boy was an average blocked head pupil who came last in maths - couldn't solve any equation that had 'unknowns' in it. Mschew. Yet the ladies loved him. Like how do they that? How do those below-average kids get all the fine girls fighting over them. When I only got the ugly girls. Ugly girls who still wished Chuka was their boyfriend.
Anyway, the little bully warned me to stay off Ada. I was tall, lanky and wore glasses. He was short, stout and athletic; brave like Hercules - he never walked away from a fight. I stood no chance in a fight with him. Absolutely none. But I didn't care! I liked Ada, and somehow I felt I'd win her. So, I hung around like a shadow - reading her mood, watching her every move, understanding 'her. Over time, she realised we shared so much common - and we just had to be friends. Stalkers Inc! Lol
But I had a problem. I was one of those Ibo kids who pronounced 'r' instead of 'l'; and vice-versa. Like "You can go to schoor but you can't buy crass". Mercy me! A weakness I just couldn't correct. It made me talk real slow. And run from words that contained either alphabets.
Then my problem had a problem. Chuka had noticed. My enemy knew my weakness, and he stalled - looking his opportunity to use it against me. By now, Ada had become comfortable with me. But still she admired Chuka - She'd look on the floor and fiddle with her hands when their eyes met. In those days too, he'd drift into the library a few times a week - pro'ly to keep an eye on me.
Then came the day, a good day that went bad for me. It was break time. And I was in the library, reading as usual two chairs away from Ada; seeking every opportunity to start a conversation with her - a discussion about anything; an opportunity to prove that I deserved her. And then it happened. She talked to me! It was awesome - she had started the convo this time.
"Prof, come over here".
I smiled, Ada just called me Prof. Finally, she saw it! Well, I walked slowly to where she was seated and bent over. I was breathing down her neck and she didn't seem to mind.
"Prof. Yomi, I'm fascinated with aeroplanes, tell how they work".
I hid the excitement in my eyes with a smile, put my shaking in hands in my pocket; and stormed off. I returned with a copy of encyclopedia britannica (God Bless the British). And sat next to her. It had pictures and illustrations and with that I taught her - everything I could aeroplanes.
Our legs were touching, it felt strange - like currents of electricity were shooting from her. She nodded when I spoke, asked questions and looked impressed with my answers. And she loved it. Her eye lids were fluttering, and I felt glad - happy for me. We were lost in our own world.
Things couldn't have gone any better that day, but they sure went worse. I didn't know when he entered the library. Who's he? The devil - he stood across our table, hands on his waist. I don't know for how long.
All I knew, was that Ada lost interest in me, in my words, in the pictures - and she stared ahead of her. In that split second, she shifted her legs away from mine. And put up a guilty barbie countenance. I looked up and saw Chuka. His eyes were cold - they had this piercing look. For the first time since I met Ada, I came to reality. This brat could kill me, like beat me in fight with one hand tied behind him. My hands shook, my voice stammered, and I almost peed my pants.
He drew close to me: too close.
I winced and stuttered "Chuka, what is it now?" Fear took hold of me.
He ignored me.
"Ada, I'm so disappointed in you".
She looked blank, awkward, silent, lost for words.
And then he posed a challenge to me
"Pronounce aeroplane, you idiot - they call you prof yet can't talk right"
I was afraid, yet annoyed. I couldn't let a dumb Chuka take the only thing I had going for me. My reputation as a geek was at stake.
Then Ada looked at me: "are you just gonna sit there? Say something"
Hadn't she noticed. Really? Didn't she know I pronounced 'l' and 'r' wrongly? Was this some sort of grand conspiracy to discredit me - to destroy my reputation? These thots ran through my head - Until his loud voice forced me back to reality.
The little bully was shouting now "Pronounce aeroplane you dullard!" The whole population of students in the library were looking at us now. We had their complete attention. It was like sitting on a stage. And back then I had stage fright.
Anxiety seized me! I choked on my words - tried talking but all I heard was a dried cracky mutter. My guts told me to ignore him, ignore her, ignore everyone and play the bigger kid. But then my emotions messed with my head - I felt I'd lose her, if I let him win this battle.
In that confused state, in that fatal moment, three seconds that changed my student life forever. I shouted "Aeloprane, you fooru"
The words came in a slur, the pronunciation was all wrong. Laughter broke out in the whole room. I had made a fool of myself. I had played into the devil's trap and he had me.
Ada, looked at me. There was pity in her eyes. And I saw that look that says "you are pathetic, you don't deserve me"
Then the booing started, their laughter turned to booing; shouts of ‘Fooru’ and ‘Aeloprane’, then more booing and more noise.
The worst hadn't happened yet. These people were mean to me. No one seemed to be on my side.
Then the worst happened.
The prof peed his pants. I was standing there when the water bag broke. Afterwards, I cried like a baby; in between my tears, I looked at where she once was and lo she was gone.
Somewhere close to the door, my Ada was walking away. And that was not all - Chuka's hands were around her hips.
I sat like a drunk man in the pool of my own urine, took off my glasses and wailed like a mad woman. A girl just betrayed me. Ada walked away when I made a fool of me - right into the arms of competition. I lost the will to fight.
And guess what? *Sigh* The news traveled fast – everyone knew. For the rest of my school days I was nicknamed "Aeloprane: the dude who pees his pants".
Why wouldn't I hate girls?
-Bondy
